Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Everybody Has Their Cross to Bear

Each one of us has their own individual cross to bear.

For me this cross came when my father died two days before my 19th birthday. He died suddenly after a massive heart attack. It changed life as I knew it. Nothing was ever the same again. Gone were the carefree days of my childhood. As a result of his passing, I began to learn to cope with his loss while dealing with an onset of anxiety.

Over the past 26 years I have learned so much about myself while trying to graciously accept this cross. I can say that I spent many years fighting and feeding the anxiety. By the grace of God the past two years have been such a blessing and through my conversion and renewed vigor in my faith the issues have almost completely cleared. I have managed to pretty much keep it in check and there are only a few triggers for them that rear their ugly heads from time to time. Unfortunately right now is one of those times and I am relying heavily on Jesus to walk with me right now :-)

I guess why I am trying to share these feelings is because there are so many people in the world who suffer from something and fight it tooth and nail with everything that they have. I am not saying that someone should suffer needlessly or give in to the overwhelming feelings they may feel at times. We all need to find our inner strength and for me it is my family and my God. Without them I am nothing! With them I know in my heart that I can indeed do anything that is His will for me.

I have heard recently that the heavier the cross is, the more certain we are that we are doing the will of God. If someone had told me that ten years ago I would never have understood it, but, now upon reflecting on scripture I wholeheartedly agree!

One of my favorite scriptures is Hebrews 11:1 which says:

Faith is the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things not seen.

I love this passage and it is unbelievably ironic how this passage shows up in my life when I most need it. I recently went on a trip to South Carolina this past spring and went to my favorite Christian Bookstore and bought a beautiful plaque to put in my kitchen. I happened to be a bit rushed and it caught my eye and I bought it not realizing that it was the same passage that I love so! Over the summer it has popped up here and there many times. I really need to see if I can find it as a transfer to place on the wall in my home.

I think I particularly love this passage because although I do have great faith in God, when I tend to give in to the anxious feelings at times I have to consciously take a deep breath, say a few prayers (for me the Divine Mercy Chaplet is a favorite) and place myself in God's loving hands and release my feelings and let His will be done :-) Sometimes it is hard handing over the wheel of control in life, but, then again He is a *far* better driver than I am! When I do hand over control and the shower of love and comforting feelings is wonderful!


  1. Thank you for sharing your heart, Ann-Marie. And I'm so sorry for the loss of your Dad during your younger years:( I wish I could sit down and have a cup of coffee with you as I too, have suffered terrible anxiety over the years.(Mostly due to the tragic loss of my late husband) Since I grew in faith, mine too has been in check, praise GOd. But it seems like the devil attacks with that fear, just as I am growing to a new level. We will have to exchange e-mails and support one another. I am here any time! I have added you to my regular prayers as I can empathize too well:) God Bless you and Mother Mary hold you close.

  2. Tiffany thank you so much for your prayers and support! I truly appreciate them. I cannot imagine how terrible it was and has been since losing your husband! When I read your post on that a while back my heart really went out to you. I would imagine that the anxiety must have been absolutely terrifying at times. You are so right about the Devil attacking when you are growing further in your faith too. I have seen that many times in our lives about several different things.Two steps forward, one step back ;) I would love to chat further with you and will definitely email you! Thank you so much for the offer. I think the best thing that anyone can do when they feel that way is share. Keeping anything bottled up is just not healthy! Glad to hear that your anxiety is in check now too :-)
    God Bless you too my sweet friend!