Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Stop the Bus...I Wanna Get Off

Do you ever wish life came with a nice little cord like you see on a bus that you can pull when it is time to get off at a new stop?  I do.  You could just reach up, pull the cord and off you go to your new destination.  Unfortunately, most days life is not that simple.  I found that out last week.  I am in the midst of perimenopause hell and the past two years have been a challenge to say the least.  I am not talking hot flashes or mood swings.  I have been getting weird hormonal changes that bring on strange things.  The latest chapter in this unfolded last week and actually brought me to the ER :( 

After being seen there it was discovered that I have a uterine polyp and need surgical intervention to make things nice nice again.  Unfortunately I have been waiting for a week for the referral and fear the same thing happening again to me before I have the procedure done.  I can honestly say that last week was one of the worst weeks in my life and as I waited patiently and exhausted in the hospital bed for the test results to come in, I was looking for anything...something to ease my fear.  Just a word of reassurance to tell me that everything would be okay, that I would be fine.  I was told that what was going on was "not normal, but common."  That seems to be my mantra for the past two years.  Everything I have been experiencing physically has not been "normal"...well not normal to me anyway.

So..as I lay in bed recuperating for the week I had lots of time to spend in somewhat quiet reflection.  Nothing quite like bringing you to your knees to make you slow down and put life in proper perspective. I spent {and continue to} lots of quality time speaking with Jesus, asking for his comfort and strength to get me through this and make me well.  I was reassured of His constant love and care for me and that makes me feel better.  I have been asking His guidance through all of this too and to keep me strong, both physically and mentally, because I know it is most likely going to get worse before it gets better and the thought of that truly scares me.

Back to that bus metaphor...I don't want to "get off" of the bus so to speak.  I like my bus, but, feel that over time I have made a few wrong transfers to get to my destination.  None of this has anything to do with me physically.  I just feel that life has somewhat gotten away from me in the past year or so and although I am making strides to get us back to where I would like to be...it has been a long process of two steps forward, one step back {some days it is more one step forward and two steps back}.

Life is fleeting and short for all of us.  Nothing tells you how it is, more like having a health scare and even if mine is nothing really in the grand scheme of health scares, it is pretty scary to me!  We all take life for granted and run through it like mice in a maze most days just trying our best to get things done.  Things...we all have so many things that need our attention.  There is such a long list of things that it could go on and on for days, or so it seems.

There is...
the laundry, the dishes, the meal preparation and cleanup, the housework, the schooling, trying to make things lovely for your family throughout the year with celebrations and holidays and birthdays, the bills, the home improvements, the kids commitments (scouts, church school, sports, friends etc), our social activities, and I won't even mention the myriad of appointments that are made for a regular year as well!

All of that takes up time!  Alot of time that can be spent doing other more important things...like living and loving your family.  I know that all of this is loving your family and needs to be done, but, sometimes, some days can it all just wait?

It all waited last week.  My men did their best to keep the homestead running and they did a good job, but, the rest of it waited.  It is still waiting actually and that is OKAY.

I know that I get in a groove sometimes where I get alot of things done.
I go in waves of production.  Or at least I think I do.  There are weeks where I will go through the house making a grand effort to simplify our lives and remove all of the stuff that clutters up our lives.  And that is good, but, it takes up alot of time.  Time that can be spent living and loving.  Again, it is something that needs to be done, but is not imperative.

So...here I sit...
waiting for my bus.

I have to make the choice of which bus to get on. 

Do I get on the bus that I think will make life smoother, or, do I wait for the bus that God leads me to that is best right for my family?

The second bus, will most likely take me longer to get to the destination that I want to be.  It may not even lead me where I would like to go.  It will most likely take the scenic route and there will be many nice things, and a few not so nice I am sure, to see along the way.

I *need* to be on that second bus and get a good seat and strap myself in safely and securely by keeping myself right along side of Jesus.  I know that it can be a rough ride at times and I want to make sure I have Him to hold on to and reassure me that it will all be fine and that I can do all things with and through Him.


  1. I was just listening tonight to one of my favorite songs by John Waller, "While I'm Waiting", from the soundrack of "Fireproof". (Interesting aside - John Waller and his family are in our local homeschool group!) Anyway, youtube the song and listen to the words. I think you will find them appropriate for where you are right now.

    I am so sorry you have been having pain and difficulties. I can sympathize. Truly. Four years ago I had ovarian cysts the size of oranges and had to have a difficult surgery. It was a HARD time for our family, but waiting was worth it.

    I'll be praying for you.

  2. Oh Ann-Marie!!! Know my heart and prayers are with you, my friend. I'm so sorry you have been going though all of this. Keep me posted so I can offer special prayer bouquets, just when you need them! We know that God is good and if He brings us to it, He will get us through it. It's just hard to be patient, isn't it? You are faithful and that will be your strength. Hugs across the miles!

  3. Thank you both SO much! I truly appreciate your support and prayers are wonderful :-) I am hopeful that this will all be over soon and it will be a distant memory. I just need to get the process going. If there is anything I have learned in the past two years is that we all need and have to be our own health advocate and push for things to be done to keep us healthy! Mary, I will definitely check out that video. I am sure it will probably make me cry. Kind of hormonal these days ;) Tiffany, I am going to get in touch soon.