Friday, June 29, 2012

Letting Go to Let Them Grow

I have always wanted my kids to stay little just a little bit longer.
I just adore them being little and it just seems to fly by a little faster every year.

I have tried to make deals with them not to turn a year older when their birthday arrives.
I have also teased my oldest this past birthday when he turned TEN and told him I was going to place 01 on the cake instead of 10.  Of course, being the smart cookie that he is...he told me that he would just swing the cake around until it read 10!

Sometimes people understand how I feel.
I feel conflicted inside.  I know that there is nothing I can do to stop this process, but, still there is that part of me that yearns for it to continue just a little bit longer.

I love all of the whimsical days of early childhood.  Looking for butterflies, seeing a robin pull a worm out of the ground for the first time, blowing bubbles in the breeze for what seems like forever! I actually miss things that I thought would never end and made me a little crazy at endless hours of playing Thomas the Tank Engine, so many Wiggles dances that I considered trying out for the roadshow and playing Chutes and Ladders so many times I lost count!

But, we don't watch the Wiggles anymore and nobody has played with the sweet little engines in quite some time now and it is a passage of time changing for my boys.

I really do miss those days, but, I still have a five year old to savor just a little bit longer :-)

It has really hit me harder this year since my oldest just turned TEN.

TEN....I am still trying to figure out how that happened so fast!  He was just in my stomach and I can vividly remember being 41 1/2 weeks pregnant and on maternity leave and waiting, waiting, waiting for this child to make his grand entrance!

Trust feels like just yesterday.

Of course there have been a few more babies in my belly since then and all of those sweet memories feel like just yesterday too.

I had a realization the other day that I need to let go and let them grow.  This is a new and exciting time right now.  Lots of new emotions and hormones floating through that little one of mine and the best thing I can do is not to dwell on his littleness, but, to do the best that I can to embrace his early manhood.  He is a good little man too.  Very polite, sweet and caring...always has been.

So...although I cannot keep my boys little forever, I still love each and every little thing about their childhood and am trying to embrace as best I can the realization that they will not be children for too much longer.
It is very bittersweet and lots of wonderful memories always wash over me, especially at birthdays.

With each year I am getting just a little bit better with letting go and letting them fly.  I would have not made a very good bird.  I still watch as the baby birds are born and am amazed that they fly away after such a short time.

This momma heart just loves her babies so much and just wants the best for her boys and letting them go so they can grow is just a little bit of what I need to do right now at this time.


  1. Ann-Marie, I know exactly how you feel. I feel that way too. The memories of baby-hood, and not wanting to let them go.

  2. Ditto! This is such a sweet post, Ann-Marie. I am over-the-top with these emotions as my baby (1st son) is leaving in 1 week! I know you can imagine so please keep us in your prayers, especially on the 20th. Thank you, my friend!